Oregon Trail Vacation

Jeff: Ok, kids! Time to go to Grandma's house!

Molly: Isn't your grandma's house, like...far away?

Jeff: Well, yeah. It's in Oregon. Don't worry, though. I think I can find a shortcut by taking some kind of trail. Let's go! Elliot, are you ready?



Elliot: Googoo gaga!

Jeff: Wyatt, how about you?



Wyatt: Ready to go, sir!

Jeff: How about you, Buttcrack? [Note: Buttcrack is my oldest son. I don't talk about him very often.]



Buttcrack: Roger and out! Let's go to Grandma's house, daddy!

Jeff: Alright! Let's hit the trail!

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Jeff: Alright, kids! Here we are out west, in the state of Oregon! Let's go get some food at one of those crazy west-coast fast food restaurants!

Wyatt: I want Hardees!

Jeff: Son, cut it out. We're out west, now! If you can't call it "Carl's Jr." then we're going to have to drop you off at the next gas station and never come back.

Buttcrack: I wanna try "In & Out"!

Jeff: I'm sure you do, Buttcrack, but I'd rather go somewhere to eat first. Oh snap! Did you see what I did there?

Molly: Burn on Buttcrack!

Jeff: So it is settled. We will all eat at Jack In The Box!







Molly: I really wish you hadn't named him Buttcrack...

Jeff: You should have thought about that before you let them put you under for that C-section. Now come on! Grandma's house is right on the other side of that river!




Molly: Jeff, you idiot! Pacificas can't float on water!

Jeff: Whoops. I thought this was the Gadget-mobile....glurg glurg...

Molly: Are you even sure we're in the right game?




Jeff: Maybe this sea otter will help us.




Jeff: Well this is a sucky vacation.

Molly: Why are we going to your grandma's house anyway? Isn't she dead?

Jeff: Well yeah, but I thought we could still go to her old house.

Molly: Sigh.

Sensitive Dad

[Posted by Jeff]

Back when my wife had her last baby, the hospital's materinity ward had a bunch of hilarious "sensitive" pictures of fathers and their newborn babies all through the halls. The dads and babies were both naked(well, the babies were naked, at any rate. The dads may have only been shirtless. Luckily, the pictures left the fullness of their nudity up to our imaginations).

It's supposed to be all cute and natural and sensitive and stuff, but in reality it just looks silly and kind of makes people feel uncomfortable. And as you all know, I love acting silly, and I love making people feel uncomfortable. So I decided to shoot my own nude "sensitive dad" pictures starring myself and my kids. Enjoy!