Harrington Charged In Pencil-Fighting Case

Atlanta, GA - Mere months after the Vick scandal rocked Atlanta, more bad news is shaking up for the Falcons organization. Backup quarterback Joey Harrington, who had played much of the 2007 season in relief of former starter Michael Vick, has been brought up on charges of pencil-fighting.


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In the 12 page indictment released today, authorities allege that pencils were procured, housed, and trained on property that Harrington owned, for the explicit purpose of fighting. The illegal pencil-fighting enterprise spanned multiple states. When first pressed by officials, Harrington denied any direct involvement, stating that family members were taking advantage of his generosity by using his Detroit, Michigan property for illegal enterprises. However, recent evidence indicates that he "knowingly sponsored and exhibited a pencil-fighting venture", which included gambling and animal torture. Officials report that Harrington even personally executed pencils after they failed to perform well in fights.

While most pencils were simply thrown away, several others were literally snapped in two before being discarded. At least one pencil was repeatedly ran through an electric pencil-sharpener until it became an unusable nub. In a gruesome scene, investigators found several discarded pencils underneath couch cushions and in junk drawers.

While the majority of pencils confiscated were standard yellow #2s, there were also an abundance of rare #1s and #3s, a few mechanical pencils(which are banned even in despicable South American countries where pencil-fights are legal), and one novelty giant-sized pencil that Harrington bought at a museum gift shop. Harrington's lawyer refused to comment on the allegations.

Although the accusations have been met with outrage across most of the country, some athletes have defended Harrington's actions. Creating even more controversy, quarterback Eli Manning has stated that pencil-fighting, while illegal, is simply a part of the "dorky-looking white guy" culture which is so prevalent in professional sports. "Nah, Joey's a good guy. He didn't intend anything malicious. This is just how he grew up. This is who he is."

Regardless, Harrington faces strict legal penalties, if convicted. Maximum punishment includes up to 3 days of lunch detention, a one-year suspension from the NFL, and a lifetime ban from the school store. More as it develops.