Humiliation. Rejection. Pain.
[posted by Jeff]
You know, I'm not an easily embarassed guy. All throughout my life, I have done things that many people would consider "humiliating". I've made Jack Tripper-like pratfalls in front of large audiences. I've forgotten how to ride a bike. (everyone says once you learn, you never forget. Well I forgot, ok??) I've peed in plastic bushes in hotel lobbies. I've been caught singing along to Anne Murray CDs. This is the tip of the iceberg, people.
I could literally go on for hours. I am an embarassing guy. Ask any girl who has spent more than five minutes with me--I am embarassing. I have embarassing fashion sense, I have an embarassing car, my behavior is embarassing--I just have an embarassing aura about me. If a girl is hanging out with me, everyone else just feels embarassed for her.
...and yet, I personally have never felt embarassed. I mean, so what if I got blueberry pie stains on my one good dress-up shirt just before my wedding? It's MY wedding. I can do what I want. I don't care what other people think. So what if this is the third day in a row I've worn this underwear? If you're close enough to me (physically) to notice this, then you should be close enough to me (emotionally) to not care. I am not ashamed, ok? I just don't FEEL embarassed. No amount of shame will ever cause me to feel the humilation that so many other people feel for me.
...
...until yesterday.
My car got rejected.
Oh the humiliation. Oh the pain! I have never felt like such a failure in all my life. There is nothing more humiliating than driving around with this obnoxious pink automobile equivalent to the dunce cap. I can feel all the cars around me staring at me. I'm not kidding when I say that I now drive with my sunvisor all the way down, even when it's not sunny out--I'll do anything to even partially cover up my face. I don't want people to see me. I just want to drive into a hole and die.
I saw a group of teenage girls in my neighborhood, and became extremely embarassed. I kept hoping that they wouldn't notice me...but I think they did. I never cared what teenage girls thought about me back when I was a teenager, but now that I'm a grown adult with a wife and kids, I am really afraid that they will see my rejection sticker and think I'm a huge dork. I had considered turning on my windshield wipers, maybe to obscure the pink sticker, or at least provide something else to look at so that they won't notice my failure. In the end, I decided not to. I mean, what if I'm blowing this out of proportion and nobody really notices rejection stickers? Turning on my windshield wipers might just bring more unwanted attention.
I want everyone to keep in mind that this is a 2006 car, with no visible problems. I see hunks of crap driving around all freaking day, and somehow they pass inspection without any problems at all. I bet you're wondering why my car didn't pass inspection. (I bet you're also wondering why I keep calling it "my" car when it's really my wife's. Well shut up.) You are wondering why it didn't pass inspection, right? Ok, I'll tell you.
"Airbag light". According to the car inspection guy who called me, it didn't pass because the airbag light stays on. A car cannot pass its state inspection if a warning light like that stays on.
I couldn't believe it. And I don't mean I was incredulous, I mean I honestly did not believe it! I had never seen the airbag light come on. My wife had never seen it come on. So I walked to the car inspection place(about 10 minutes from my work) to see what was what.
"So this 'airbag light'...that's just one of those lights on the dash, right? It's not in some hidden location where I wouldn't be able to see it?" I asked. The cashier guy confirmed that it would be right in front of me, easily noticeable. So I paid $16, and walked out to my car to go illegally drive my car home. I started the car, and guess what? No airbag light!
I went back inside to tell the guy. He followed me out to my car, and watched me start it up. Sure enough, no airbag light.
"Try driving it around a little bit to see if it comes on." he suggested.
Did it.
No airbag light.
Can I have my inspection sticker now?
"Sorry, the guy who inspected your car isn't here anymore. He left for the day. You'll have to bring it back tomorrow morning to have him look at it and confirm it's ok."
You've got to be kidding me. I got there less than 20 minutes after they finished inspecting the car! Why did he leave so suddenly? The car obviously doesn't have an airbag light that stays on(it comes on briefly when you first start the car, which is normal...but then it goes off). Why would they put me through this? Why would they humiliate me like this?
And for those of you who are thinking "they're just a bunch of lying greedy thieves", I want to point out that they could not fix my airbag light problem anyway. They said I'd have to take it to my dealer. And they even offered to re-inspect the car for free, once I have it fixed. The mechanic people seemed to be very nice. But why oh why would they reject my perfectly good car?
So now I have two kids with me and I have to go get my car looked at by some idiot who probably just confused the "seatbelt not on" light with the airbag light. And it'll probably take a million freaking hours because it's Memorial Day Weekend.
Jeffrey is so sad.
You know, I'm not an easily embarassed guy. All throughout my life, I have done things that many people would consider "humiliating". I've made Jack Tripper-like pratfalls in front of large audiences. I've forgotten how to ride a bike. (everyone says once you learn, you never forget. Well I forgot, ok??) I've peed in plastic bushes in hotel lobbies. I've been caught singing along to Anne Murray CDs. This is the tip of the iceberg, people.
I could literally go on for hours. I am an embarassing guy. Ask any girl who has spent more than five minutes with me--I am embarassing. I have embarassing fashion sense, I have an embarassing car, my behavior is embarassing--I just have an embarassing aura about me. If a girl is hanging out with me, everyone else just feels embarassed for her.
...and yet, I personally have never felt embarassed. I mean, so what if I got blueberry pie stains on my one good dress-up shirt just before my wedding? It's MY wedding. I can do what I want. I don't care what other people think. So what if this is the third day in a row I've worn this underwear? If you're close enough to me (physically) to notice this, then you should be close enough to me (emotionally) to not care. I am not ashamed, ok? I just don't FEEL embarassed. No amount of shame will ever cause me to feel the humilation that so many other people feel for me.
...
...until yesterday.
My car got rejected.
Oh the humiliation. Oh the pain! I have never felt like such a failure in all my life. There is nothing more humiliating than driving around with this obnoxious pink automobile equivalent to the dunce cap. I can feel all the cars around me staring at me. I'm not kidding when I say that I now drive with my sunvisor all the way down, even when it's not sunny out--I'll do anything to even partially cover up my face. I don't want people to see me. I just want to drive into a hole and die.
I saw a group of teenage girls in my neighborhood, and became extremely embarassed. I kept hoping that they wouldn't notice me...but I think they did. I never cared what teenage girls thought about me back when I was a teenager, but now that I'm a grown adult with a wife and kids, I am really afraid that they will see my rejection sticker and think I'm a huge dork. I had considered turning on my windshield wipers, maybe to obscure the pink sticker, or at least provide something else to look at so that they won't notice my failure. In the end, I decided not to. I mean, what if I'm blowing this out of proportion and nobody really notices rejection stickers? Turning on my windshield wipers might just bring more unwanted attention.
I want everyone to keep in mind that this is a 2006 car, with no visible problems. I see hunks of crap driving around all freaking day, and somehow they pass inspection without any problems at all. I bet you're wondering why my car didn't pass inspection. (I bet you're also wondering why I keep calling it "my" car when it's really my wife's. Well shut up.) You are wondering why it didn't pass inspection, right? Ok, I'll tell you.
"Airbag light". According to the car inspection guy who called me, it didn't pass because the airbag light stays on. A car cannot pass its state inspection if a warning light like that stays on.
I couldn't believe it. And I don't mean I was incredulous, I mean I honestly did not believe it! I had never seen the airbag light come on. My wife had never seen it come on. So I walked to the car inspection place(about 10 minutes from my work) to see what was what.
"So this 'airbag light'...that's just one of those lights on the dash, right? It's not in some hidden location where I wouldn't be able to see it?" I asked. The cashier guy confirmed that it would be right in front of me, easily noticeable. So I paid $16, and walked out to my car to go illegally drive my car home. I started the car, and guess what? No airbag light!
I went back inside to tell the guy. He followed me out to my car, and watched me start it up. Sure enough, no airbag light.
"Try driving it around a little bit to see if it comes on." he suggested.
Did it.
No airbag light.
Can I have my inspection sticker now?
"Sorry, the guy who inspected your car isn't here anymore. He left for the day. You'll have to bring it back tomorrow morning to have him look at it and confirm it's ok."
You've got to be kidding me. I got there less than 20 minutes after they finished inspecting the car! Why did he leave so suddenly? The car obviously doesn't have an airbag light that stays on(it comes on briefly when you first start the car, which is normal...but then it goes off). Why would they put me through this? Why would they humiliate me like this?
And for those of you who are thinking "they're just a bunch of lying greedy thieves", I want to point out that they could not fix my airbag light problem anyway. They said I'd have to take it to my dealer. And they even offered to re-inspect the car for free, once I have it fixed. The mechanic people seemed to be very nice. But why oh why would they reject my perfectly good car?
So now I have two kids with me and I have to go get my car looked at by some idiot who probably just confused the "seatbelt not on" light with the airbag light. And it'll probably take a million freaking hours because it's Memorial Day Weekend.
Jeffrey is so sad.
4 Comments:
You should be ashamed! I mean, I don't let retarded mechanics treat ME like that. The one time my 94 car got rejected they didn't even take the yellow sticker off. They just let me come back later that week and get it fixed. I guess that is one of the perks of being a crime fighter! After all the mechanics knew I worked at a prison, fighting crime through education! And last time they just passed me. I think they lied to me that a 13 year old car has NO problems; that's OK, when it blows up I know who to sue!!!
Good luck teaching a retard on a power trip the difference between the seat-belt and airbag lights!
I have always said that a pinker sticker on your car means you're a looser.
If it's any consolation, perhaps you could personify your humiliation in the form of a Zoidberg Mii. Here's how:
http://www.gamervision.com/blog/article/276
Enjoy
Matt, I just realized that I never responded to you. You'll probably never see this, but I sincerely thank you. That Zoidberg Mii is awesome. I made one as soon as I saw that. You rock.
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